Good To The Last Drop

The Power Of Choice

Imagine a day in which you had no say in what you did. Someone else decided when you got out of bed, what clothes you would wear, and what you ate for breakfast. Someone else dictated when you played, what you played with, and for how long. Someone else chose where you went that day, when you had your meals, and when you slept. Someone else instructed you on how to behave, what things you could and could not touch, and what you watched on TV.

Now imagine how you'd feel at the end of such a day. After being bossed around and having all your decisions made for you, wouldn't you want to flex your muscles and have a say?

At my children's preschool, we talk a lot about how important it is to allow children to make choices. It's important for many reasons. First of all, a child can't learn how to make decisions on their own if they've never been allowed to do it before. Secondly, presenting children with choices and encouraging them to weigh their options is a powerful tool when it comes to self discipline, self esteem and restraint, all of which are valuable lessons when it comes to such issues as drugs, alcohol and sex. In other words, letting your toddler choose her own clothes can help equip her to make the right choices when peer pressure kicks in years later.

In my own household, offering choices has not only helped keep the peace, but it has also helped me to feel less like an autocrat, constantly barking orders and being negative. Some rules are not open to interpretation, but I've found that my children are more likely to cooperate if they feel they have some say in the process. It's much more pleasant to say, "It's time to put your shoes on, would you like to wear the pink pair or the blue pair?" instead of, "We're leaving. Put your shoes on."

Nearly a year ago, I wrote about my daughter's comfort object, her pacifier, and asked for suggestions on gently weaning her from it. In the end, I decided I didn't want to take it away from her before she had her eye surgery, and my instinct was right. The recovery from anesthesia was rough, and having the pacifier available helped immensely.

As she approached three years old, we started to suggest that she not only stop using the pacifier, but that it was also time to start thinking about using the toilet. She was very resistant. She's an independent child, and likes things to be on her terms. Having seen friends try to force toilet learning, and ending up frustrated, angry or desperate, I took my cues from my child and backed off. Instead, we gave her a deadline and told her that she didn't need to use the potty if she didn't want to, but when she turned three, the diapers needed to go. She was so accepting of the idea, we started adding on other items we wanted to be rid of, the pacifier and the sippy cup.

Knowing that she didn't have to do all those things NOW seemed to go over really well with her, and having a deadline gave her some time to get used to the idea. If you asked her, "Maureen, what happens when you are three?" she would respond, "No diapers. No pacifiers. No sippy cups. I'll be a BIG girl!" Not only that, but she met her deadline early. All of a sudden, one day she decided she was done with diapers. (She still wears one at night. But she's completely independent in the bathroom during the day and very reliable.) The sippy cups went too. It's such a pleasure to no longer have to stick my hand into the sink drain to retrieve a valve. The pacifiers went into a drawer, just in case she changed her mind.

Her birthday was two months ago, and the transition from diapers to toilet and pacifier to none has continued to be smooth. And while it's true that she used a paci longer than pediatricians recommend, and she potty trained a little later than it's possible to force it, I felt like both transitions were smooth and peaceful and gentle. Even better, because I put her in charge of deciding when she was ready, I feel like the lessons she learned from those decisions will have a greater impact than if I had been the one to issue an ultimatum about the diapers or pacifiers.

As she grows and matures and her thought processes become more complex, I can almost hear the wheels turning in her head as she considers her options, and it's most obvious when it comes to interacting with her older brother.

Every day, we have plenty of opportunities to allow our children to make choices, everything from what pajamas they wear to what they eat for lunch to what bedtime book they read. I hope that by allowing my children to make seemingly unimportant decisions like these, that they will go off to school with a sense of self control that will serve them well as students and as members of society.

Today, while cleaning out a drawer, I found the forgotten pacifiers. This time, I relocated them to where they belong--the trashcan.

**Crossposted at API Speaks.

Menu Plan: Comfort Food For Stress Relief

I don't know about you, but it's getting more and more painful to go to the grocery store. It always hurts a little when there isn't that much stuff in my cart and the cashier tells me a total I really wasn't expecting. Either food is continuing to increase in price, or my family is eating more than usual, or maybe some of both.

Anyway, this past week we also had a pretty major project done on the house, which involved lots of banging and dust and workmen traipsing in and out of the house. So this week I'm in the mood for dinners which A-require little thought or effort B--taste really good and C--use ingredients I already have, to minimize any more excruciating trips to the store.

This week, we will be eating:

**Shrimp and Broccoli with Pasta--I bought a large bag of frozen shrimp at Safeway a couple of weeks ago, and I like that I can take out what I need and put the rest back. Neither kid will eat shrimp, but they like the pasta part. Bread and steamed edamame with it.
**Caribbean Pot Roast--I made this Healthy Cooking recipe for the first time a couple of months ago, and it was a huge hit. Even better, it all goes into the crockpot. I'm not sure what makes it Caribbean, but who really cares? It tastes good. Salads, bread and corn on the side.
**Pork Chops with Apricot Sauce and Buttermilk Cornbread--Both kids are big pork eaters, and the cornbread will give me a chance to use up that cornmeal that's been sitting in the cabinet for awhile. Some kind of veggie to go with it.
**Lasagna Soup--I love soup on chilly days, and I love how filling it is without a lot of calories. Salad and maybe grilled cheese to go with it.
**Four Cheese Spinach Pizza--I love the taste of olive oil, red wine vinegar and feta cheese together, and all three are on this yummy pizza. I might make my own crust, but if not, there's a storebought one in the freezer.

What are you eating this week?

What Makes A Good Parent?

2009 was a doozy of a year for The Bad Parent. Levi Johnston couldn't keep his mouth shut or his clothes on. Tiger Woods had the same sort of problem with his pants. Richard Heene used his son to try to land a reality TV gig and Joe Jackson could barely wait to get his hands on his dead son's money. Kate Gosselin got attention for spanking her child in public while Jon was blasted for parading his young girlfriend around in public before the divorce was final.

When a stranger slapped a noisy child in Walmart, the mother was quickly labeled as being overly permissive. When a stroller rolled away on a train platform, pitching both the stroller and the baby in it underneath an oncoming train (the baby was okay), it didn't take long for fingers to point at the mother for being careless. Joy Szabo was widely criticized for her determination to avoid a c-section.

Large families received criticism too. Nadya Suleman's IVF-conceived octuplets raised questions about the ethics of reproductive medicine, and the premature birth of Michelle Duggar's 19th baby prompted debate about birth control, family size, and adoption.

Anyone familiar with Internet forums and blog comments knows that pretty much anything you do can be used as fodder for someone to label you a bad parent. If you post too many updates about your kid on Facebook, someone will call you obsessed and if you don't post often enough, someone else will imply that you don't care enough. Let your kid go to school with the sniffles and someone will call you out for exposing other children and if you keep your kid home every time they sneeze, someone else will say you cater to their every whim. You get the idea.

As an AP family, we don't spank and use cry-it-out. We believe in co-sleeping, breastfeeding and babywearing. In our circle of friends are parents who spank, who have never coslept, who practice CIO or use formula. And you know what? I think we're ALL pretty good parents, because being a good parent has very little to do with sleeping arrangements or breastfeeding. So what's the common denominator?

Here's my list of what makes a good parent.

**Good parents make the decisions they do, whatever they may be, with the best interests of their family in mind and not because of what the people across the street will think.
**Good parents are mindful of the fact that they will screw up at some point, and maybe even screw up often, but are confident that they are trying their darndest to do the right thing.
**Good parents make sure their children know they are loved and that the love is unconditional.
**Good parents take a genuine interest in their children's growth and development, even if it isn't exactly what they pictured.
**Good parents aren't too proud to tell their children they are sorry or that they were wrong.

Someone once told me I was hopelessly optimistic. She meant it as an insult, but I find it a nice way to live my life. I feel fortunate to have met very few truly bad parents in my life, and instead meet people who are just like me, moms and dads who are figuring out parenthood alongside me.

What about you, what do you think makes a good parent, and have you ever met any truly bad parents?

Yoga For Sleep

Some children are natural sleepers. They require little to no bedtime routine, go to sleep easily and sleep all night. They have no comfort objects and sleep just as well away from home. Some of the parents of natural sleepers are the first to object to co-sleeping and easily point fingers when it comes to a child that doesn't sleep well. According to some, if a child has sleep problems, those problems must have been created by co-sleeping or some other action on the part of the parent. In other words, the parent did something wrong.

I have two children. My three-year-old is a natural sleeper. My five-year-old is not. I spent plenty of time when he was younger reading books about child sleep, trying various methods, and even more time pulling my hair out over why he didn't sleep well. Several years and another child later, I can see that it's simply the way he is wired. We've parented both kids in exactly the same way. Our daughter sleeps well and always has. Our son does not. It's just the way it is.

It didn't feel like it at the time though. Everyone had an opinion.

He needs a warm bath and a story before bed, they said. We tried that. Bath time was more of a wild and wet splashing party and he emerged from the tub more wired than when he went in.

He needs to go to bed earlier, they said. We tried. He needs to go to bed later, they said. We tried.

Just let him cry and he'll give up and go to sleep, they said. It didn't feel right to us. We tried it once. It was a spectacular disaster and I apologized over and over and vowed to never do it again.

Eventually, our experience led us to co-sleeping, which we did on and off for over a year. He left on his own, and now sleeps in his own bed in his own room. Once he goes to sleep, most of the time, he stays asleep until morning.

However, he is still not a great sleeper when it comes to falling asleep. One night, a few weeks ago, I peeked into his bedroom and was rather horrified to see that while he had been put to bed three hours earlier, he was still awake. In bed and quiet, but still awake. When I asked him, "Why are you still awake? It's 11PM!" he gave me a very revealing answer.

He said, "I can't sleep, I can't make my brain stop thinking."

It stopped me in my tracks.

I can certainly relate. Being able to shut my thoughts off and go to sleep is something that I struggle with too, and considering the vast numbers of people who use sleep aid medications, he and I aren't the only ones.

But how do you teach someone to "go to sleep?" If put to bed and instructed to "go to sleep," what 5 year old would be able to figure that out on their own?

Puzzled, I pulled out our sleep book and turned to the section on the things children need for healthy sleep, but it seemed like we were already doing everything right. Enough physical activity during the day. Check. Avoid sleep preventing foods and feed sleep producing foods. Check. Gentle bedtime routine. Appropriate bed time. Sleep inducing environment. Check, check and check.

Then I turned the page and the word jumped out at me.

Yoga.

Bingo!

Personally, I do yoga almost daily and on nights when I just can't settle down and fall asleep, I get out of bed and practice some calming poses to help me nod off. I figured it was worth a try with my 5 year old.

Within a week, he came to expect the bedtime practice, and I really think it has helped him fall asleep faster. On the couple of nights we skipped it, he was in and out of bed and up much later than he should have been. My three year old is also very interested and the ease at which children can slip their limber bodies into challenging poses is amazing. I usually aim for about 10 minutes, because beyond that their attention starts to slip, and I vary the poses based on how they are feeling that day and what physical activities they did that day. For example, on days when my son has been ice skating for school, we do a lot of forward bends to stretch out his legs.

You will need comfortable clothes (we usually do the sequence after the kids are in their jammies and ready for bed) and enough space to lie flat on your back with arms and legs extended. If your floor is hard or cold, you might want to consider a yoga mat or a blanket for padding, but be careful of slippage if you use a blanket. You should be barefoot.

Some poses to try:
Downward Facing Dog
Standing Forward Fold
Extended Puppy Pose
Cat Pose
Cow Pose
Child's Pose
Head To Knee Forward Bend
Corpse Pose

If you're not familiar with these poses, you can find descriptions and step by step directions at YogaJournal.com/poses. This site also has free 20-minute podcasts of varying difficulty at yogajournal.com/podcasts.

You can also check your local library for instructional videos and books on yoga for all ages.

Namaste and sleep well!

**crossposted at API Speaks.

Menu Plan: Cold Feet

After eating Outback takeout a couple of times and cereal for dinner the rest of the time, because I didn't have a new menu plan and we're out of everything, I finally sat down after watching the Ravens kick the Patriot's butts today and planned for the next week.

It's still way too cold for me, and the floor in our kitchen is icy, so this week's plan is based on meals that are quick and easy, to cut down on the time I'm actually in the ice room kitchen, and warm and comforting as well.

This week, we'll be eating:

**French Onion Soup--This is a request from my husband, and we have a plenitude of home made croutons to use on top. I'll serve it with grown up grilled cheese and salads.
**Bison Burgers--Another husband request. If it warms up a little, I might send him out on the deck to grill them; otherwise, it'll be in the broiler. Homemade Onion Rings and veggies to go with it.
**Linguine With Shrimp--My brother-in-law gave me a nice white wine for Christmas, and I've been looking for an excuse to open it. Some can go into the pasta, and I get the rest. Salad and bread to go with it.
**Bob's Spaghetti--My dad's speciality, and I haven't had it in a long time. It uses tomato juice instead of sauce and is yum yum. Garlic bread and veggies on the side.
**Slowcooker Chicken Cassoulet--A Eat Clean recipe, this one is simple. Dump in the ingredients and press start.
**Cheese Tortellini with Tomatoes and Corn--My husband isn't crazy about tortellini, but I love how easy it comes together. This recipe is a little different than my usual prep.

New year, new you. How are your resolutions going, and what are you eating lately?

Definitely My Daughter

In our household, there is an ongoing battle, and it has everything to do with the thermostat.

I get cold easily, even despite layers, and because our house is old and draughty, I suffer all winter long. In the summer, when it's 90 degrees out, it's not unusual to find me indoors dressed in pants. The AC has to be turned down when Maureen is napping so her room isn't a sauna, and I get chilly.

My husband comes home pretty much year round and changes out of his work clothes into shorts. It takes a lot for him to admit it is cold outside. When he first bought our house and lived here alone, and when the house was a lot draughtier than it is now, I won't tell you what he set the thermostat on at night. Your computer might freeze up.

All winter, I sneak over to the thermostat and turn it up. Eventually, he sneaks over and turns it down. He has threatened to put a box over it with a lock on it.

Johnny is like his dad. He stays warm easily, and often takes his jammies off in the middle of the night because he says he is hot. When it snows, he can't wait to go outside and shovel. We got a small amount of snow overnight, and from the moment he saw it, he couldn't wait to go outside. He shoveled our whole yard, including some of the flower beds.

Maureen, on the other hand, does not like to be cold. She sleeps in footie jammies with multiple blankets, and if it's windy, rainy, or snowy, she is unhappy. During the blizzard, she lasted outside for about 10 minutes before the wind blew snow in her face and she was done.

Likewise, while her brother shoveled outside in the 30 degree day, she stayed inside, like this.



That's my girl.