Easier Said Than Done: Six Pieces Of Breastfeeding Advice That Don't Work

When my first child was only a few weeks old, I took him to the store with me. While we were there, he needed to eat. Since I was a brand new mom, still figuring out breastfeeding, I found a deserted bench in a deserted corner of the store and settled down to feed him. I was still figuring out the blanket thing, plus didn't want anyone to see my mushy postpartum tummy, and was also at the point where I still needed to look at the latch to make sure it was right.

Just as I was getting ready to lift my shirt, a man appeared from nowhere and stood there looking at me. I was like, “Is he staring at me? Waiting for someone? What the hell, I went to all this effort to find a spot with no one around and now he’s going to stare?” Finally, I said to hell with it, pulled up my shirt and fed my baby and when I looked again, the guy was gone. So who knows, maybe he was lost or maybe he just wanted to see a breast, but if he had complained, I would have been really angry. If I went to all that effort to be discreet and then some guy shows up and happens to see my boob because he’s STARING at me and it makes him uncomfortable, then tough crap.

In the past few weeks, there have been several instances in which mothers were asked to stop breastfeeding their babies in public and leave. In some cases, the mothers were covered, in at least one other, the mother was not. Not that it really matters, because a woman's right to breastfeed her baby, covered or not, is protected by law. But in the following days, I kept seeing comments on blog posts and updates on Twitter with the sort of advice that falls into the "easier said than done" category. Kind of like when a person who has always been thin tells someone overweight that all they need to do is "eat less." A lot of the misguided or just plain wrong advice seems to come from men, or people who don't have children or never breastfed.

The following list are some of the things I read, followed by why it's not that simple.

**The mom should cover up with a blanket--Do you eat with a blanket over your head? No? Why not? Because it's hot or uncomfortable or suffocating? Right. So a baby should be hot or uncomfortable or suffocate though. Plus, you know what? Some babies WON'T eat with a blanket over their head. Once both mine got to be old enough to move around and grab things, that blanket came flying off. And if the blanket comes flying off and the baby is thrashing around and the mom is frantically trying to recover herself, you know what happens? People notice and they stare. If you stare, you might get a glimpse of breast. If it bothers you, avert your eyes.

**The mom should excuse herself and go feed the baby in the car/restroom/nursing room--Do you eat your meals where people poop? No? Why not? Because it's gross or because public restrooms usually smell disgusting? Right. But a baby should totally eat a meal in those conditions. Have you ever been inside one of those nursing rooms? I have, and some of them are just as bad as the public restrooms. Even if my baby didn't object, I have a sensitive nose and I can't stand to sit in a small, stuffy room that smells of eau de dirty diaper. As for the car thing, maybe some moms live in a place where it's safe to sit alone in a car, but some of us don't. Especially at night. Plus, when it's really hot or really cold, I'd rather not waste gas by running the engine so we don't either freeze or fry.

**The mom should pump at home and bring a bottle to feed with in public--Have you ever tried to use a breast pump? No? If you did, you'd know that it isn't always easy. Pumping is less efficient than nursing a baby and can lead to milk supply problems. Plus, pumps are expensive to rent or buy. While milk from the "tap" is always fresh and warm, pumped milk needs to be kept cold and can spoil. Plus, many babies refuse to take a bottle at all.

**The mom should just feed formula when away from home--Even if a breastfeeding mom was okay with using formula (some are and some aren't), some babies can't tolerate it. Then there is the cost. And the refusal of bottle thing I mentioned before. Plus, do you know what can happen if a mom skips a breastfeeding session in favor of a bottle? She might spring a leak. Which is totally convenient and non-embarrassing.

**The mom should feed the baby before leaving the house--Right. Because babies are totally predictable. Ever heard of cluster feeding? Or growth spurts? Both can make breastfed babies need to eat more frequently. Feeding schedules are for formula babies. A mother can breastfeed her baby at home before going out and still need to feed out in public. Plus, what happens if the mom has the nerve to be out and about for more than a few hours? Can you believe it?

**The mom should have her baby on a schedule and know when the baby will need to eat next--See above. Plus, while schedules might work for older babies, younger babies pretty much eat sleep and poop when they feel like it, not when you want them to.

**The mom should just stay home until her baby is weaned--This is the best one yet. Stay home and don't subject the public to your insatiable need to show off your baby. The groceries will buy themselves and then drive themselves to your house. It's totally fine to take a year off from going to church. And don't worry, you won't die from a lack of human contact.

Sorry people, it's just not always that easy. So please, let us alone so we can feed our babies in peace and get back to what we were doing in the first place.

Do you have any to add and refute?