Ask my four-year-old what he wants to be when he grows up, and he'll reply, "A firefighter! And a farmer! And a construction worker!"
I thought it was cute, but when he repeated it in front of a stranger at the grocery store, the woman told him, "Oh, you can't be all of those things," and I bristled.
One of my biggest goals with my children is to avoid telling them, "You can't." They hear it plenty as it is. You can't jump on the couch. You can't eat donuts for dinner. You can't run into the street. You can't go outside in the snow with no shoes on. So if I don't have to say it, I don't.
He is four, and in his world, if he wants to do something, there isn't any reason he can't do it. To an extent, I believe that's an idea he needs to hang onto for a long time. So I didn't appreciate it when a stranger had something negative to say.
What if Elizabeth Cady Stanton had listened when they told her, "Women can't vote?"
What if Barack Obama had listened when they said, "A black man can't be President?"
Where would so many of us be if we had tossed aside the naysayers and really believed in ourselves?
Life is full of disappointments and rules to follow, and my kids will have years of being denied the things they want to do. Soon enough, my four-year-old will discover that it's not practical or realistic to be a firefighter and a construction worker and a farmer. But what's the harm in letting him think, for now, that he could if he wanted to? How is it beneficial to crush a child's spirit and dreams by telling him, "You can't." And honestly, what is the point in telling him that he can't when that career choice will likely change more than once before he reaches adulthood?
When we dream big and aim high, sometimes great things happen. And maybe my preschooler will grow up to do great things and maybe he'll just grow up to be a confident man who believes in himself. It starts at home, it starts with a mom who says, "You Can."
*****
For more posts about girls, boys and self esteem, and for the chance to win some books, be sure to check out the Self Esteem Carnival at Lords Of The Manor.
I thought it was cute, but when he repeated it in front of a stranger at the grocery store, the woman told him, "Oh, you can't be all of those things," and I bristled.
One of my biggest goals with my children is to avoid telling them, "You can't." They hear it plenty as it is. You can't jump on the couch. You can't eat donuts for dinner. You can't run into the street. You can't go outside in the snow with no shoes on. So if I don't have to say it, I don't.
He is four, and in his world, if he wants to do something, there isn't any reason he can't do it. To an extent, I believe that's an idea he needs to hang onto for a long time. So I didn't appreciate it when a stranger had something negative to say.
What if Elizabeth Cady Stanton had listened when they told her, "Women can't vote?"
What if Barack Obama had listened when they said, "A black man can't be President?"
Where would so many of us be if we had tossed aside the naysayers and really believed in ourselves?
Life is full of disappointments and rules to follow, and my kids will have years of being denied the things they want to do. Soon enough, my four-year-old will discover that it's not practical or realistic to be a firefighter and a construction worker and a farmer. But what's the harm in letting him think, for now, that he could if he wanted to? How is it beneficial to crush a child's spirit and dreams by telling him, "You can't." And honestly, what is the point in telling him that he can't when that career choice will likely change more than once before he reaches adulthood?
When we dream big and aim high, sometimes great things happen. And maybe my preschooler will grow up to do great things and maybe he'll just grow up to be a confident man who believes in himself. It starts at home, it starts with a mom who says, "You Can."
*****
For more posts about girls, boys and self esteem, and for the chance to win some books, be sure to check out the Self Esteem Carnival at Lords Of The Manor.
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9 comments:
I agree 100%. At one time, my daughter wanted to be a singer, scientist, scuba diver, chimney sweep(Mary Poppins made it look so fun!) and a truck driver. And when I asked her when she'd ever have time to see me, she looked at me quizzically. "What do you mean? I'll LIVE here!!!"
She can do everything she wants to do. I believe that and so should she!
i would have popped that woman in the face:) ok, not really, but i would have wanted to...
great post! b-boy wants to be a dinosaur rider (who am i to tell him that dinosaurs are extinct?):)
Amen, amen, and AMEN! *applause*
This is really well said!
Good Points! My nine year old wanted to be a White Sox player AND an astronaut. He figured he could go into space in the off season. You gotta have dreams while you can.
AMEN! If only we could absorb some of the self-confidence our little ones have. To do big things with no fear!
Great post.
Btw...Super B says he wants to be a dirtbike racer, wrestler, and ninja. I told him to hold back on the wrestling part. But the ninja? Don't know if there's a big job market for that...haha
Great post. I get annoyed with my mother-in-law for saying similar things to my daughter. I don't understand why some people get so worked up over things like that - especially when it's a child you don't even know! That lasy should have just said, "Wow, you'll be really busy!" or something like that. Good for you for being a "can do" mom.
I am shocked someone responded that way! Good for you for NOT reinforcing her comment.
Dream big little ones!
Actually, there ARE ways to multi-task diverse interests, so who knows? Perhaps he will be able to embrace more roles than most would expect likely. But you are so very right - at age 4 there is no telling what his true vocation is likely to be. Far better to feed those dreams for as long as you can. Great post!
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