Eavesdrop on any conversation between two moms or visit any online parenting forum and you're likely to hear references to a mysterious woman. She's called That Mom, and she is an ode to failure.
We're all guilty of judging her. "Did you hear That Mom yelling at her kids in the store today?" "I can't believe That Mom didn't stop her kid from throwing sand at the park earlier." "I'm glad I'm not That Mom who lets her kids watch so much TV."
We're all guilty of envying her too. She's That Mom who says she was up all night with a sick child, yet looks bright and cheery, her clothes match and her hair is perfect. She's That Mom who runs five mornings a week and lost the pregnancy weight in a month. She juggles a career and homelife seemingly without effort. That Mom makes us feel fat, stupid, impatient, lazy or just not good enough.
That Mom is living proof that someone will usually be there to witness our less than stellar parenting moments and that no matter how well we think we are doing, someone is always better.
Here's something else. We have all been That Mom. I'm That Mom with the clean house, the menu plans and the lists, the one who wears high heels to the playground and is never, ever seen in sweatpants. I'm also That Mom with the short fuse, the public restroom phobia and the child who yells the word 'penis' across a crowded store.
That Mom stands for everything we wish to be and everything we struggle with. That Mom isn't a fake, unattainable ideal like we see on TV. She is real and she lives in all of us. She highlights our strengths and our weaknesses. She makes me think twice before I open my mouth, she gives me something to aspire to, and she gives me permission to not be so hard on myself.
I'm guilty of judging That Mom, but next time I see her, I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt. Because chances are she's a normal mom who loves her kids, just doing her best.
We're all guilty of judging her. "Did you hear That Mom yelling at her kids in the store today?" "I can't believe That Mom didn't stop her kid from throwing sand at the park earlier." "I'm glad I'm not That Mom who lets her kids watch so much TV."
We're all guilty of envying her too. She's That Mom who says she was up all night with a sick child, yet looks bright and cheery, her clothes match and her hair is perfect. She's That Mom who runs five mornings a week and lost the pregnancy weight in a month. She juggles a career and homelife seemingly without effort. That Mom makes us feel fat, stupid, impatient, lazy or just not good enough.
That Mom is living proof that someone will usually be there to witness our less than stellar parenting moments and that no matter how well we think we are doing, someone is always better.
Here's something else. We have all been That Mom. I'm That Mom with the clean house, the menu plans and the lists, the one who wears high heels to the playground and is never, ever seen in sweatpants. I'm also That Mom with the short fuse, the public restroom phobia and the child who yells the word 'penis' across a crowded store.
That Mom stands for everything we wish to be and everything we struggle with. That Mom isn't a fake, unattainable ideal like we see on TV. She is real and she lives in all of us. She highlights our strengths and our weaknesses. She makes me think twice before I open my mouth, she gives me something to aspire to, and she gives me permission to not be so hard on myself.
I'm guilty of judging That Mom, but next time I see her, I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt. Because chances are she's a normal mom who loves her kids, just doing her best.
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10 comments:
How true, Mommy K, how true!!! I am also That Mom with the short fuse...I am trying to do better, but sometimes it's hard!! But hey, I'm also That Mom who is always bright and cheerful, so I guess it kind of balances out!
That post was awesome!! Thanks for that enlighening...I really needed that! I am that Mom who always thinks that the other Moms can do this job and do it gracefully and well and I am the only Mom who struggles...my husband is constantly telling me that's not true and to stop comparing myself but somehow hearing that from you was different. Also, I have been that Mom that people say has the clean house and has it put together...why don't I dwell on those things instead?? But you are right...we all are both!! I love that!! Thanks...I needed to hear this today!
Well said!
I think this is probably your best post--and some of your best writing--ever.
Great post! That was me today when I realized after going to Safeway, CVS AND the library that Chase had her shirt on backwards and had jam stains on her socks. Or that time I brought her to the office with me without a change of clothes and her diaper leaked. She came home in nothing but a diaper and shoes with her pretty lace cardigan buttoned daintily at the neck. Classy! I do my best when I can but sometimes it just ain't in the cards.
Very good post. I know I am guilty of being "that Mom" and judging other ones. One thing I have total sympathy for is a mom doing her best. Even if it's all going very badly!
As always, you have an amazing gift for writing what everyone else feels but can't express nearly as well. Your post is right on. While I'm definitely not That Mom with the clean house, I envy her and aspire to be more like her. Thanks for reminding us all that there is no such thing as the "perfect" mom. That Mom does live in all of us.
Great post, K. We could all use a healthy dose of understanding.
I sent a link to your blog to a few friends today because of your post. loved it.
Great post. :)
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