Back in the day, if my mom wanted to share a naked bath picture of me, the only way someone would see it was if my mom showed them. Which means that the person was either a family member or a friend, because who goes around showing naked bath pictures to strangers?
Fast forward twenty-some years and it's a completely different scenario. I could post a naked bath picture of one or both of my kids right here on this blog. Not only could family members and friends see it, but any stranger who happened to come to my site could see it. They could email it to someone else. Or save it to their hard drive. Or print it out.
The question of privacy and blog fodder has been around for awhile now, but I recently started to think more about it when a blogger I occasionally read closed down his blog because readers were leaving unkind comments about his parenting style. Since the blog was about his daughter, the vitriol made him uncomfortable and contributed to his decision.
In addition, the issue of whether or not children of parenting bloggers will eventually read what their parents have written has come up on discussions about sites with large readerships. Will the kids have access to the archives? And how will they feel about having their childhood displayed so publicly?
I started blogging primarily as a way to share my children with friends and family and also to keep a record of the early years of their lives. I'm not very good at scrapbooking, the kids baby books are mostly blank, and after a couple of short years, I had already forgotten certain details of Johnny's life. I have no idea when he first started to jump or what his first table food was. I can't remember. Those details are gone forever. If I hadn't written about it here, I might eventually forget at what point he stopped relying on his stuffed caterpillar at bedtime, when he started to pronounce the word "waffle" correctly, when Maureen started to insist on feeding herself or her funny little habit of always sleeping with her head in the same corner of her crib.
My kids are young, so I'm not worried too much about invading their privacy. Yet. I try to use common sense when deciding what to share, and I try to put myself in their place.
Would I mind if the world saw naked bath pictures of me? Yes. No matter how innocent, those things are private. So I won't post those type of pictures here. But I would have loved to be able to read my mother's thoughts about motherhood when my brother and I were small, and I find reading about other moms' frustrations or misgivings to be comforting. I'm saving my blog posts because I want my kids to be able to read them when they get older. I want them to see the birthday letters. I want them to read about my joys. What will Johnny think when he reads about a particularly frustrating day? I would hope that he would understand, especially when he has children of his own.
As Johnny and Maureen get older, I'll be sure to take their feelings into account when it comes to blog material. A friend has an eight-year-old son who wets his bed. That's a topic I wouldn't discuss because it's something private. I don't mention it if my husband and I have had a disagreement. It's not because I'm trying to create a false image of a marriage in which we never have arguments; it's because my family and my friends and some of my husband's coworkers read this blog, and I think he might prefer the whole world not know if we have had a marital spat.
I also try to avoid extremely controversial subjects, because this is my family site, it's primarily about my kids and I'm not willing to invite nasty comments. For that reason, I have not addressed the current election or issues of religion, because while I certainly have opinions on those topics, I don't find them relevant.
On our Earth Day walk earlier this week, Johnny had a bathroom emergency. He went before we left the house, but it was hot out and we drank a lot of water. When he told me he needed to go, we were two miles from home and nowhere near a public bathroom, especially since I also had the huge double stroller with me. So I found him a patch of grass, stood behind him to block him from view, and let him pee in the grass. I also took a picture of him from behind. But you'll notice I didn't post it. I wasn't sure if it was something I wanted to share, even though you can't see anything, and I didn't want to face the possibility of hearing "I can't believe you let your kid pee outside, that's so gross!" comments.
Would you, as a parent blogger, mention it on your site if your thirteen-year-old daughter started to menstruate? I wouldn't, because it's not a topic I would personally want to have splashed across the Internet. The topic itself is interesting, and I could see starting a post on what parents did to make that moment special for their daughters or how they dealt with the issue of school and sports and having the right supplies. But that is as far as it would go. When I reached that point in my life, I didn't want my Dad to know, much less the extended community.
I love my kids, I love to write and I love being able to easily keep in touch with family and friends. So that is why I will continue to blog, while keeping in mind the difference between what is okay to share and what should be better off kept private. And when Johnny and Maureen are older, I'll reevaluate.
How about you? To what extent have you thought about your kid's privacy with regards to blogging and the Internet?
Fast forward twenty-some years and it's a completely different scenario. I could post a naked bath picture of one or both of my kids right here on this blog. Not only could family members and friends see it, but any stranger who happened to come to my site could see it. They could email it to someone else. Or save it to their hard drive. Or print it out.
The question of privacy and blog fodder has been around for awhile now, but I recently started to think more about it when a blogger I occasionally read closed down his blog because readers were leaving unkind comments about his parenting style. Since the blog was about his daughter, the vitriol made him uncomfortable and contributed to his decision.
In addition, the issue of whether or not children of parenting bloggers will eventually read what their parents have written has come up on discussions about sites with large readerships. Will the kids have access to the archives? And how will they feel about having their childhood displayed so publicly?
I started blogging primarily as a way to share my children with friends and family and also to keep a record of the early years of their lives. I'm not very good at scrapbooking, the kids baby books are mostly blank, and after a couple of short years, I had already forgotten certain details of Johnny's life. I have no idea when he first started to jump or what his first table food was. I can't remember. Those details are gone forever. If I hadn't written about it here, I might eventually forget at what point he stopped relying on his stuffed caterpillar at bedtime, when he started to pronounce the word "waffle" correctly, when Maureen started to insist on feeding herself or her funny little habit of always sleeping with her head in the same corner of her crib.
My kids are young, so I'm not worried too much about invading their privacy. Yet. I try to use common sense when deciding what to share, and I try to put myself in their place.
Would I mind if the world saw naked bath pictures of me? Yes. No matter how innocent, those things are private. So I won't post those type of pictures here. But I would have loved to be able to read my mother's thoughts about motherhood when my brother and I were small, and I find reading about other moms' frustrations or misgivings to be comforting. I'm saving my blog posts because I want my kids to be able to read them when they get older. I want them to see the birthday letters. I want them to read about my joys. What will Johnny think when he reads about a particularly frustrating day? I would hope that he would understand, especially when he has children of his own.
As Johnny and Maureen get older, I'll be sure to take their feelings into account when it comes to blog material. A friend has an eight-year-old son who wets his bed. That's a topic I wouldn't discuss because it's something private. I don't mention it if my husband and I have had a disagreement. It's not because I'm trying to create a false image of a marriage in which we never have arguments; it's because my family and my friends and some of my husband's coworkers read this blog, and I think he might prefer the whole world not know if we have had a marital spat.
I also try to avoid extremely controversial subjects, because this is my family site, it's primarily about my kids and I'm not willing to invite nasty comments. For that reason, I have not addressed the current election or issues of religion, because while I certainly have opinions on those topics, I don't find them relevant.
On our Earth Day walk earlier this week, Johnny had a bathroom emergency. He went before we left the house, but it was hot out and we drank a lot of water. When he told me he needed to go, we were two miles from home and nowhere near a public bathroom, especially since I also had the huge double stroller with me. So I found him a patch of grass, stood behind him to block him from view, and let him pee in the grass. I also took a picture of him from behind. But you'll notice I didn't post it. I wasn't sure if it was something I wanted to share, even though you can't see anything, and I didn't want to face the possibility of hearing "I can't believe you let your kid pee outside, that's so gross!" comments.
Would you, as a parent blogger, mention it on your site if your thirteen-year-old daughter started to menstruate? I wouldn't, because it's not a topic I would personally want to have splashed across the Internet. The topic itself is interesting, and I could see starting a post on what parents did to make that moment special for their daughters or how they dealt with the issue of school and sports and having the right supplies. But that is as far as it would go. When I reached that point in my life, I didn't want my Dad to know, much less the extended community.
I love my kids, I love to write and I love being able to easily keep in touch with family and friends. So that is why I will continue to blog, while keeping in mind the difference between what is okay to share and what should be better off kept private. And when Johnny and Maureen are older, I'll reevaluate.
How about you? To what extent have you thought about your kid's privacy with regards to blogging and the Internet?
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13 comments:
Hi there...another Mom in Baltimore here---
Blogging about teens is another world entirely. I set rules for her use of the internet and expect her to stick to them. That being said, *I* have to stick to the same rules when I blog about her.
No pics of her
I do not use her real name (I don't use mine, either---but for reasons involving an abusive ex)
I didn't blog about her first period because, well...I would have been mortified if I was her.
She got very embarrassed when Mom demonstrated what "Hammer Time" was while we were waiting for our take out at a local pub. So...she knows mom keeps a blog and I wouldn't write anything that violated her right to privacy. (she is 13)
I believe that we have to constantly evaluate our families boundaries and discuss as they get older what is comfortable for them. I suspect that as they grow up, these things will be such a part of the culture that boundaries will be so very different.
After reading your post I went back and looked at my own blog to see if I agreed. I am a bath poster, but I try to keep it very modest. Shoulders and up mainly or a whole lotta bubbles. I started using real names, but knowing now, I probably would have used fake names. I try to stay VERY vague as to where I live and the things we do. If we go to the beach, I say the beach, not which beach, or when we go on a family outing, it is the zoo, or the outlet mall, not specific locations. I don't as a rule complain about my husband..He actually reads it. But I don't believe that should be aired anyway because most times (no matter if I like it or not) there are two sides to every story and it isn't fair to slide it one way. I do post about frustrating days, but am trying to use it as a show case for my family and friends elsewhere(that would be everyone) to be apart of my girls growing up even when they can't be in our house.(was that long winded enough?)
I post mostly about my kids for family and friends to read. In fact, when I started the blog one of our relatives told me I should save it so my kids could look back and enjoy it some day. I might post that my husband and I disagreed on a subject but only if it was relevant to whatever I was blogging about and I wouldn't get into the details. I probably shouldn't have used our real names but I can't change than now. When the boys get older, I won't post things that will be incredibly embarassing to them but I will share funny stories. I fully expect that one or both of them will have their own blog about what a pain their mom is and why their life totally sucks (becuase no matter how good you have it as a teen, you think your life sucks and you have the meanest mom in the world!) From my own experience, I have worked with people who worked with my mom when I was little and they remember some of the miserable things I did as a child. It's kind of embarassing that you co-workers know those kinds of things aobut you.
Great post. I've given this much thought over the last couple of years and do share your concern about who is seeing what. I've uploaded a blog post, only to later feel uneasy about it and hit delete.
We have to be careful about exactly what we post. It's not an issue of freedom, but of security. As for our children reading what we write down the road, I totally agree. I'm thrilled to have an avenue to share my thoughts and memories about Super B because I am so horrible about not writing it in his baby book.
Some bloggers do make me uncomfortable with the personal stories they share - but mostly about their teens. I look at blogging as my electronic scrapbook, but as Super B gets older, I know I'll be more cautious about what I disclose to the world.
Here's to online scrapbooking! :)
I have the opposite problem, not having children puts me sometimes in an awkward position of commenting on people's site's on their cute kid shots....while I love these shots, I am always mindful that I am not family and I wouldn't want anyone to be uncomfortable.
I use my nickname, not my last name, but have shared my real first name and Ken's...also my nieces and nephews with permission.
Great post, it reminded me that I started this as a way for my sisters to see what we were up to here at the beach. Its become so much more though!!! And I love it!!
I don't blog about my family, period. People that blog about their kids simply have nothing else to write about. Anything is preferable to writing about your kids- politics, movies, your job, your hobbies, etc. Mommybloggers are boring, AND it is an invasion of the kids privacy.
Funny that someone who thinks mommy bloggers are boring, posted on a a mommy bloggerish site...Anyway, I started my blog to talk about my family in a journal type way and never expected to meet so many other moms and dads. I am glad that I do not use real names, but I do put up pictures and I suppose someone could figure out where I lived if they tried hard enough. I do tend to talk about my younger kids a lot more than my 13 year old, mainly because the issues she deals with are decidedly more private that my 2 and 8 year olds. I guess I will re-evaluate as I continue to blog and my kids get older. Maybe my blog will evolved into something else entirely...
The issue of security is a whole other post. Maybe next week.
Anyway, I'm wondering if anonymous has children, because the vast majority of parent bloggers that I have met have been surprised and pleased at the community they have found. Parenting can be really hard and it makes it a little easier to know that there are millions of other people right there in the trenches with you. And while some parent bloggers started their sites specifically to market their writing and make money, most of us started out with the intention of preserving memories.
If I wrote for a large subscriber site with thousands of hits every day, then I probably would use code names. But to do that here would feel less real, and I've strived to always keep it real.
I have also seen precious few mom blogs that talk ONLY about the kids. You can only read abour diapers and tantrums and to-do lists for so long before it gets old. On most of the mom blogs I read, they DO talk about hobbies and politics and jobs and all sorts of other topics.
Anonymous thinks all mommybloggers are boring, but perhaps I would find it boring to read about someone's job or a hobby that someone has that I don't share.
What difference does the kids age make anyway? The only thing different about young kids is that they're in no position to complain. You post pictures of your kids on here, give their real names- is that safe or wise? You say you write for family and friends but anyone can read this blog. I don't read mommyblogs because I think they're boring but I saw the title of this post and came by to give my opinion- that blogging about your kids is unsafe, a violation of the kids privacy, boring, and shows that the blogger has very little going for them intellectually. I'm a long-term blogger that has never written a single word about my children.
Suddenly, I know exactly how Steve Almond felt.
So anon, you think *all* parent bloggers are boring and intellectually limited? What about super successful sites like Dooce or Sweetney or Her Bad Mother? Are they boring and stupid?
Personally, I find sites that talk about nothing but politics boring. Or blogs about American Idol, which I don't watch. But I don't think it's fair to criticize the intellect of someone you have never met. Someone you might actually like if you knew them in real life.
I admit I didn't have a full grasp of what I was getting into when a friend said, "I want to see pics of your kids. You should start a blog!" But it's too late now to change their names. Perhaps I should make this site private again and start a whole new blog with code names.
You know...it's a shame when someone with an opinion refuses to sign in. I think it underminds their opinion to remain "anonymous". Yet they keep coming back to your boring mommy blog....hmmmm...
I gave a lot of thought to the privacy issue and concluded what you did in most instances. I was fortunate enough to be a blog reader before a blogger and saw the fake names, etc.
I choose to use initials mainly so my children can not be googled. I have a seperate email account for my blog. I am particular about the photos I post, and make sure nothing is "risque" about them. No potty training shots or bathtub shots, etc.
I try to keep in mind that they will have access to my blog and also watch what I write about. I enjoy writing about my faith and reading in the bible so they can see my thoughts. I also like writing about our crazy days, boring days, good days, etc.
While I have enjoyed the community of blogging more than I thought I would...my blog is for ME and my family. I enjoy comments as much as the next person, but ultimately even if "someone" were to find a post boring...that is OK with me. The blog is a "journal" for my kids and my family...not everyone else.
Apparently Dave Barry and Erma Bombeck were boring, stupid and exploitive as well? Right anonymous (if that is your real name - brave soul you!)
Writers have been writing about family life for YEARS. Bashig mommy bloggers - OH LOOK BAD MOTHER! - is just another way to bash women who dare to take time for their own interests and who have the audacity to lift the veil on family life. That bashing's been going on for years too.
Write on sister and do it proudly!
Kelly
xo
I'm stunned that someone would leave such harsh comments! I think the things we write about reflect what is most important to us in our lives. Being a Mom is the most important thing I do. Who cares about my job or my political beliefs. I don't blog so that I can share that with the world. I blog so that my friends and family can see my kids and know what's going on in our lives. It's also nice to know that other Moms struggle with the same issues that I do and mommyblogs are often a great place to find suggestions that I didn't think of. I love your blog, I think its great just the way it is and if Anonymous had bothered to read more of it, they would have seen that there is plenty more to it than just your kids!
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