A friend of ours from college is getting married and we're invited to the wedding. The wedding is in London. John really wants to go, but we went back and forth about the cost of airfare for four people, the logistics of dealing with carseats on a plane, the vast amount of gear that we'd have to haul along and what to do with the kids during the actual wedding.
When people heard that we were considering taking the kids with us, we were mostly met with incredulity. Why on earth would we want to go to Europe with two little kids in tow? As one of my coworkers said, "I think you should go. But leave the kids with your mom."
The reasons for taking Maureen and Johnny along are many. I'm uncomfortable with the idea of being on another continent from them. I miss them terribly when I'm gone for the day at work; I think I'd miss them too much to be able to enjoy myself if we went to London without them. Plus, we're a family and we do things as a family. Neither John nor I wants to take a big trip like that without our children there.
Finally, I think it would be asking too much for my mom to drop her life for a week to take care of my kids.
So when I read this article in Parents Magazine, about how today's grandparents are no longer available at the drop of a hat, I felt like crowing, "I told you so!"
Basically, grandparents today have their own lives, their own interests that fall outside of their grandchildren. They're fitter than previous generations and living longer, and many are still working full time. It's not that they don't love spending time with their grandchildren, but that the opportunities to do so are less.
Up until last year, my mom was still working full time, and my dad is working full time now. My mom's job status has changed, but now she sells Tastefully Simple, attends Weight Watchers and belongs to a Quilting Guild. She and my dad also like to eat out and go to the movies, they have a dog, two birds and two cats to care for. They garden, watch TV, read and sleep, something that's thin on the ground when there are little kids around.
It's not that I don't think my parents are capable of taking care of Johnny and Maureen for a week or more, it's that I don't know that they would want to. Precious as they are, they're also a lot of work. John's parents watched Johnny for two days when I was in the hospital having Maureen. When it was time for them to go home, they practically ran out the door, and John's dad looked more tired than I have ever seen him. Now we have two, and the be honest, I'm exhausted at the end of a day with them. I'm just twenty-nine.
This isn't the first time that I've run into the expectation that my parents are on call to help out when needed. After Johnny was born and I became a stay home mom partly because we didn't want to pay for child care, someone asked, "Why can't your mom watch him while you work?" Ummm...because my mom had a JOB. Not to mention that it's not fair to expect my mom to watch my baby for free 5 days a week while I go to work.
Since Maureen and Johnny are still a little too small to really enjoy a trip to Europe, and because the dollar isn't worth much over there these days, we've decided to stay home. John may go by himself, but the kids and I are keeping our feet firmly on the ground. Considering how much I hate to fly, it's actually a relief. When they are older, we'll take a trip and also go to Ireland.
I'm curious to know: Would your parents be available to watch your kids for a week? And would they do it if you asked?
When people heard that we were considering taking the kids with us, we were mostly met with incredulity. Why on earth would we want to go to Europe with two little kids in tow? As one of my coworkers said, "I think you should go. But leave the kids with your mom."
The reasons for taking Maureen and Johnny along are many. I'm uncomfortable with the idea of being on another continent from them. I miss them terribly when I'm gone for the day at work; I think I'd miss them too much to be able to enjoy myself if we went to London without them. Plus, we're a family and we do things as a family. Neither John nor I wants to take a big trip like that without our children there.
Finally, I think it would be asking too much for my mom to drop her life for a week to take care of my kids.
So when I read this article in Parents Magazine, about how today's grandparents are no longer available at the drop of a hat, I felt like crowing, "I told you so!"
Basically, grandparents today have their own lives, their own interests that fall outside of their grandchildren. They're fitter than previous generations and living longer, and many are still working full time. It's not that they don't love spending time with their grandchildren, but that the opportunities to do so are less.
Up until last year, my mom was still working full time, and my dad is working full time now. My mom's job status has changed, but now she sells Tastefully Simple, attends Weight Watchers and belongs to a Quilting Guild. She and my dad also like to eat out and go to the movies, they have a dog, two birds and two cats to care for. They garden, watch TV, read and sleep, something that's thin on the ground when there are little kids around.
It's not that I don't think my parents are capable of taking care of Johnny and Maureen for a week or more, it's that I don't know that they would want to. Precious as they are, they're also a lot of work. John's parents watched Johnny for two days when I was in the hospital having Maureen. When it was time for them to go home, they practically ran out the door, and John's dad looked more tired than I have ever seen him. Now we have two, and the be honest, I'm exhausted at the end of a day with them. I'm just twenty-nine.
This isn't the first time that I've run into the expectation that my parents are on call to help out when needed. After Johnny was born and I became a stay home mom partly because we didn't want to pay for child care, someone asked, "Why can't your mom watch him while you work?" Ummm...because my mom had a JOB. Not to mention that it's not fair to expect my mom to watch my baby for free 5 days a week while I go to work.
Since Maureen and Johnny are still a little too small to really enjoy a trip to Europe, and because the dollar isn't worth much over there these days, we've decided to stay home. John may go by himself, but the kids and I are keeping our feet firmly on the ground. Considering how much I hate to fly, it's actually a relief. When they are older, we'll take a trip and also go to Ireland.
I'm curious to know: Would your parents be available to watch your kids for a week? And would they do it if you asked?
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9 comments:
My mom, not so much. She is a busy person and always has lots of things on her plate. She would take them and has offered to this summer for about three days so we can celebrate our 10th anniversary. But, this is few and far between.
My MIL, on the other hand, would do it in a heartbeat. She lives for taking care of people. But, for a week? I don't think I would ask that of her. A few days, maybe, but not a week.
No my parents would not have been available to watch our daughter when she was younger.
My Dad was 45 and my mom was 43 when she was born.They both worked.
My parents just retired(early) 3 years ago when our daughter was 16 years old.
~Renae~
"Plus, we're a family and we do things as a family."
I loved this line. That's how we feel about our family too.
I saw the Parents article too and I thought it was great. Obviously the generation of grandparents right now is completely different than it was in our parents generation! I saw a woman on TV who was 29 and already a grandma! My parents aren't even close to being old enough to retire yet, and neither are the parents of most of my friends.
I've been reading for a couple of weeks and have finally decided to say hi and to leave a comment.
This post really hit home for me. When I was young I would spend weeks at a time with my grandparents during summer vacation. My daughter's grandparents? Not so much.
My father has never even met her and my husband has one parent that's ill and another that is still working. It sometimes seems like we're the only couple among our friends that don't have built in babysitters. Most of the time it's ok because we also espouse a we do things as a family philosophy. All the same, it's good to know we're not alone.
I have mixed answers to this post. My parents and in laws both live about an hour away from us, so they are really not available at the drop of a hat, and yet they are too. ESPECIALLY with Paul gone right now. When Kylie was sick last week my mom, at her own suggestions, drove the hour to my house at 10:00 at night to stay with a sleeping Gabe with I took Kylie to the ER. Since we were there till 6:30 in the morning, she got him up and to daycare, thendrove all the way back to Baltimore to go to work. Mt mother in law and sister in law have also both dropped what they were doing to meet me at the hospital before when I've had to take Kylie to help with Gabe while I was there. That is how they are, but those were emergency situations. My dad is retired, but my mom still works. And my mother in law's health is not the greatest, I'd NEVER ask her to keep my kids for a week. My parents...yeah I'd ask for something important, like a wedding, but a week is a long time. They'd probably do it if they could. Paul's talking about going to a buddy's wedding in Puerto Rico after he gets home. Not sure what we'll do about that one. If possible I'd probably opt to leave the kids because it would be so much more expensive and stressful to take them, and we haven't gone away alone since our honeymoon. But I doubt we'd go for a week. Maybe an extended weekend.... But for the most part we do things as a family too. I often don't have a choice!
My parents are halfway across the country so they would not be available. My IL's on the other hand... If I could send my daughter on a plane by herself to FL at only 2 years old, my MIL would keep her for a month. I am having a hard enough time agreeing to let my MIL keep her for a few days this summer... I know this sounds crazy, but when someone tells a friend of your's "I can't want to get some alone time with our grand daughter so we can do things OUR WAY", it makes me a bit leery... what do they want to do alone that they can't do with me around?
My mom and dad are just 20 minutes away. I SO wish that they were active seniors -- even if it means less babysitting . I worry about their mental and physical health since they do pretty much nothing. They live for babysitting. :(
I'm really lucky in the sense that although my parents both work full time they are always willing to watch the kids whenever I need them to. I try not to ask very often because I don't want to take advantage of them. I also only ask for times when I know they are available, not times that would require them taking time off of work or not doing something they would enjoy doing together. My in-laws live 8 hours away but are retired. When we went to Disney World with my parents in January they offered to come up and watch the baby for the week so that we wouldn't have to worry about him. I couldn't bring myself to be apart from him for that long. So while it seems like a great idea to jet off to London, just the two of you, I completely get why you would want to take the kids or skip the trip if thats not practical.
My parents live many states away, so obviously they aren't around for drop in grandkids, but my parents would watch them for years if I let them. We went on a cruise last year. They watched them for a week. That was very difficult for me, but it was also good for mommy and daddy to me husband and wife. We normally do everything as a family. I have worked really hard to make my children adaptable to any situation. I just got back from home and I call that my vacation because I really don't see the girls, someone always has them. I think it is good to go on some vacations by yourselves (providing you have able grandparents) just to make sure you don't loose husband and wife amongst all the mommy and daddy duties.
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