Pregnancy and Domestic Violence

When I was pregnant, I went to the doctor approximately 2,000 times. OK, not that often, but I went a lot. Blood tests, ultrasounds, check ups. The staff asked me how I was feeling. They asked about my mood, if I felt movement, what I was eating and how much. I was screened for genetic diseases and one day when my blood pressure was a tad high, they sent me to L&D for monitoring. Those things are all important, because depression, malnutrition, pre-eclampsia and gestational diabetes can all be harmful to baby and mother.

But the one thing I was never asked about was my relationship with my husband, and since the leading cause of death among pregnant women is homicide, shouldn't questions about domestic violence be a part of prenatal care?

I went to the doctor yesterday and took my laptop along in case there was a long wait. Instead of catching up on emails and blogging though, I spent my time in the waiting area watching the news piece about the manhunt for Marine Cpl. Cesar Laurean, who is the prime suspect in the murder of 20-year-old Maria Lauterbach, another Marine who was, you guessed it, pregnant.

Most people have heard of Laci Peterson, whose husband was convicted of killing her and their unborn son in 2002, or Jessie Davis, the 9-months-pregnant Ohio woman whose boyfriend is awaiting trial for her 2007 murder. But how many more victims never make it on the news?

As I sat there in the doctor's office, I felt incredibly sad for Lauterbach's family. But there's something else. I'm angry. Hopping mad, furious, so angry I could spit.

Consider these statistics on domestic violence from a battered woman's shelter in Connecticut:

• Nearly 1/3 of American women report being abused by a boyfriend or husband at some point in their lives.
• Forty percent of teenage girls age 14 to 17 report knowing someone who has been battered by their boyfriend.
• 60% of battered women are beaten while they are pregnant.
• Up to 50% of homeless women and children are fleeing domestic violence.
• 70% of men who abuse their female partners also abuse their children.
• Family violence costs the nation 5-10 billion dollars annually in medical expenses.

When I was in high school, there was a girl in the band who frequently came to class with bruises on her face. I heard through the grapevine that she was in an abusive relationship. She came to school less and less until she finally stopped coming altogether. To this day, I am consumed with guilt that I didn't do something, asked if I could help, gone to a teacher, anything. And I pray that she somehow found the strength to get away and that she is okay.

I keep thinking about all these women, dead at the hands of someone they thought they could trust, and I wonder, "What if that was my daughter?" Who is looking out for our girls? Why is this senseless violence allowed to continue? What can I do to make a difference?

For starters, I'll be contacting my legislators, urging them to create better laws to protect women at risk, and stiffer penalties for men who abuse their partners and children. And I would love suggestions from anyone who can point me in the right direction to help. Because I don't want my daughter to be a victim, and I don't want anyone else's daughter to be either.