My friend Renae found this op-ed piece on MSN today about how tedious the author finds the Mommy Wars. 'The Mommy Wars' is the term given to what happens when different schools of parenting thought collide, and much of the focus is on working mom vs. stay-home mom.
The author bemoans the compartmentalizing of women-with-children, and she rolls her eyes at the bookshelves covered with mommy fiction. "Do what you want with your kids, "she says, "Just stop talking about it!"
Personally, I find the Mommy Wars to be a tad bit ridiculous. Wasn't high school ages ago? Why do grown women snipe at each other and gossip like a hoard of teenagers? Are we a generation so insecure in our choices that we need to criticise others to validate ourselves? The biggest question is do the Mommy Wars really exist? Or is it a phenomenon invented by book publishers to sell books?
We all have our insecurities. Yesterday, I talked to a friend and was more than relieved to hear that her three-year-old is going through the same bossy stage that Johnny is, and that her three-year-old also randomly yells at the dog, her siblings, her parents, and people on the street, just like Johnny does. It was just a little reassuring that Johnny is normal. However, reassurance is not the same as validation.
I get that there will always be issues that are controversial, and I get that people have strong feelings about those things. Heaven knows I have enough opinions of my own. But from my experience, most people are good about biting their tongues, and most don't go around sniggering and judging and doling out unwanted advice. My friend with the bossy three-year-old and I have a lot of differing views. She spanks, I don't. She has a strict 'no bed jumping' rule and I could care less. Her kids are involved in a lot of activities and sports, but other than the library program and occasional playdates, my kids lead fairly unscheduled days. Her kids sleep in their own beds, and I let Johnny sleep wherever he wants, as long as he's sleeping. Does it affect our friendship? No, because we're mature enough to recognize that we each do what works for us, and neither of us pretends that our choices are perfect. Our friendship is more important, and we both love our children.
Do the Mommy Wars exist? I'd say yes, to some extent, because there will always be fanatics intent on saving the world, one neglected daycare child at a time, or one stifled child with stay-home parent at a time. But I do think it's been blown way out of proportion, and most parents couldn't care one way or the other. We're too busy raising our kids to be worried about what other people think.
As for the author of the op-ed piece, she makes some good points, especially about the "mommy-lit." I don't read books like these, mainly because I don't like how the main character is usually a high powered, influential career woman who becomes a bumbling, inept, sweatpants-wearing moron once she has kids. But no one is forcing her to read the books or the articles, and judging by the sales, there are plenty of moms who *do* enjoy that type of reading. Presumably, the author was paid for her piece, so I don't think it's fair to insist that other writers not use parenting as a source of inspiration when she has done much of the same thing.
The author bemoans the compartmentalizing of women-with-children, and she rolls her eyes at the bookshelves covered with mommy fiction. "Do what you want with your kids, "she says, "Just stop talking about it!"
Personally, I find the Mommy Wars to be a tad bit ridiculous. Wasn't high school ages ago? Why do grown women snipe at each other and gossip like a hoard of teenagers? Are we a generation so insecure in our choices that we need to criticise others to validate ourselves? The biggest question is do the Mommy Wars really exist? Or is it a phenomenon invented by book publishers to sell books?
We all have our insecurities. Yesterday, I talked to a friend and was more than relieved to hear that her three-year-old is going through the same bossy stage that Johnny is, and that her three-year-old also randomly yells at the dog, her siblings, her parents, and people on the street, just like Johnny does. It was just a little reassuring that Johnny is normal. However, reassurance is not the same as validation.
I get that there will always be issues that are controversial, and I get that people have strong feelings about those things. Heaven knows I have enough opinions of my own. But from my experience, most people are good about biting their tongues, and most don't go around sniggering and judging and doling out unwanted advice. My friend with the bossy three-year-old and I have a lot of differing views. She spanks, I don't. She has a strict 'no bed jumping' rule and I could care less. Her kids are involved in a lot of activities and sports, but other than the library program and occasional playdates, my kids lead fairly unscheduled days. Her kids sleep in their own beds, and I let Johnny sleep wherever he wants, as long as he's sleeping. Does it affect our friendship? No, because we're mature enough to recognize that we each do what works for us, and neither of us pretends that our choices are perfect. Our friendship is more important, and we both love our children.
Do the Mommy Wars exist? I'd say yes, to some extent, because there will always be fanatics intent on saving the world, one neglected daycare child at a time, or one stifled child with stay-home parent at a time. But I do think it's been blown way out of proportion, and most parents couldn't care one way or the other. We're too busy raising our kids to be worried about what other people think.
As for the author of the op-ed piece, she makes some good points, especially about the "mommy-lit." I don't read books like these, mainly because I don't like how the main character is usually a high powered, influential career woman who becomes a bumbling, inept, sweatpants-wearing moron once she has kids. But no one is forcing her to read the books or the articles, and judging by the sales, there are plenty of moms who *do* enjoy that type of reading. Presumably, the author was paid for her piece, so I don't think it's fair to insist that other writers not use parenting as a source of inspiration when she has done much of the same thing.
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2 comments:
I feel honored to be mentioned on your blog! :)
I have pretty much the same views as you do on this subject.
I am a stay at home mom of an only child, who never breast fed, never spanked, so if "mommy wars" was so prominent I would definitely has seen it first hand.
I think it is all blown out of proportion, to sell books, magazines and newspaper articles. I am sure it exists in some form but I do not believe to extent it is often portrayed.
~Renae~
Let me tell you. I have known another mom for 10 years, and she is as you would call it " Gap mom", perfectly dressed, perfect applied makeup.... but she is FAKE beyond belief, and brags beyond belief. Not once have our 6 year olds and 3 year olds gotten together for a playdate its constant email competition.. nice huh?
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