Becoming My Mother

When I was a kid, my my mom used to come into my bedroom in the morning and wake me up by happily trilling, "Yoo Hoo!!!!!!"

I. Hated. It.

What teenager wants to get out of bed in the morning? And trust me, it's even harder when someone else is being so cheerful and awake.

I still don't like a lot of chatting in the morning until I'm fully awake. That's partly why I rise so much earlier than the rest of my family, so by the time they are all up, I'm ready to face the talking. It's not that I mind getting up early (most of the time, anyway) but I like my peace and quiet.

Johnny is like me. He eats his breakfast in silence. He gets dressed in silence. And he doesn't start to talk much until his coat and shoes are on and he's waiting by the door.

Maureen is the opposite. She starts talking the minute she gets out of bed. She must have inherited that from my mom. In October, when we went to the NYC Food and Wine Festival, one morning my mom chatted and chatted until I finally put a pillow over my face.

But the other day, I went into their room in the morning and said, "Wakey wakey! Eggs and Bac-ey!"

They moan and groan, just like I did.

This morning I tried to be quieter and they got out of bed pretty easily.

But something in me really wanted to say the eggs and bac-ey thing. Sort of like revenge for having to get up in the middle of the night all those years.

And maybe that's why my mom did it too.

Menu Plan: Tired Of Winter

Is anyone else sick of winter yet? Yes, I'm aware that we've had a fairly mild winter, as winters go, and that's cool. But it's still chilly a lot and gloomy and everything in my garden is brown and dead. I requested a catalog from Burpee last week because I'm thinking about my garden and what we can do this year to solve some of the problems from last year (mostly a sloping yard, so when it rains heavily all the mulch washes down to one corner. So I'm thinking flowering ground covers instead).

Anyway, along with winter I've also hit a bit of a block in the kitchen department. We've had take out a bunch of times, or some nights I feed the kids oatmeal and John cooks himself something and I might eat an egg and then wake up starving in the middle of the night. So my goal for this week is to actually cook.

Here's what we'll be eating:

**Paprika Chicken with Pasta--A recipe from a Pampered Chef book, it's easy and family pleasing, plus it should clear out some of the random packages of pasta in my pantry. Salads and veg on the side.
**Curried Chicken with Couscous--So many years ago, I read that Cat Cora, from Iron Chef, says that all kids will eat curry. And I personally don't care for curry, but I'm going to make this to test out her theory. And I love quick cooking couscous. Some kind of veggie to go with it.
**BLT Mac and Cheese--My menu seems heavy on the pasta, and it's partly because of the aforementioned pantry problem, but also because the kids like it. The L in this recipe stands for leek. We'll see if I can sneak it past them.
**Italian Wedding Soup--I love this soup, but most prepackaged versions are too salty. So I'll bite the bullet and make my own meatballs. Salad and bread to go with it.
**Pork Tenderloin With Mashed Potatoes and Gravy--An easy crockpot meal, also comforting when I've been cold all day and all I want is to get warm. Also some kind of veggie on the side.
**Ham Steak with Veggies and Rice--Ham steak is one of my favorite last minute meals. They cook in literally minutes and both kids are big fans of ham. Leftovers, if any, can be tossed into soup.
**Wells St. Chicken--Last year, one of Johnny's fundraisers was food stuffs, and we have some of this seasoning mix left over. It's pretty easy and both kids like it.

What are you eating these days? And while you're at it, pop over to Potluck, where I'm talking about chili!

Misogyny, Objectification and Empowering My Daughter

Back in high school, the behavior of certain male teachers was a running joke amongst the female half of the class. As an adult, it amazes me how naive we were at the time, and as a parent it infuriates me that these grown men were allowed to say inappropriate things to teenage girls and do inappropriate things to teenage girls and look at teenage girls in that way and still keep their jobs.

The first time I remember a man actually making me feel threatened, I was 17 and had just gotten my first car. Being in the days before I had a credit card, I paid for my gas with cash. On this particular day when I went inside the station, a man inside looked me up, looked me down, stared at my chest a moment too long, then turned to his buddy and said, "A little too old." Fear shot down to my toes. Too old for what? And thank goodness I WAS too old because otherwise what did he have in mind? I've never felt more vulnerable in my life. I never told my mother. I don't know why.

The year after that, I graduated from high school, started college and got a job at a drugstore. After awhile, the married twice my age pharmacist started asking me out. Less than a year in, I quit and found another job. Partly because it was boring and partly because I wanted to find a job in my field of interest, but the defining reason was because a male superior told me he'd buy me lunch if I bent over.

The job change meant I worked with mostly women who kept their opinions about my body to themselves, but that didn't mean the male clients did the same. One asked, "What's a pretty girl like you doing working a job like this?" The reason I wear shirts under my scrubs to this day stems from one day when I caught a male client trying to look down my top. At another job, in the same field, a man brushed up against me in a darkened room as the doctor examined his pet's eyes. I assumed it was an accident until it happened again. And then again.

A couple of years later and yet another job change, I was standing in line at the post office when an old man behind me asked me what kind of underwear I was wearing, implying that he'd been staring at my behind the entire time we stood in line.

In all of these instances, I was so shell shocked by what had been said or done that I did nothing. I didn't know what to do or say.

For awhile the attention stopped. I think it had something to do with hauling babies around. It's harder to objectify an exhausted looking woman with a baby on one hip and a toddler hanging on the other leg, who has a saggy postpartum belly and spit up on her shoulder and a Little Einstein's sticker on her ass.

But the kids are older now and in school or activities. The baby weight is gone. In the absence of little grabby hands, I wear my hair down now, I wear skirts and heels and hoop earrings. I'm frequently out and about by myself and it wasn't long before the unwanted attention started anew. Once, I walked to the library and a strange man started to follow me. When I slowed down, he did too. I finally asked if he needed to get by and he responded that he was happy with the view from where he was. I finally crossed the street and he got the hint.

Another time, I was coming home late from work. As I stopped at a stop sign to let a pedestrian cross, suddenly I realized that the pedestrian was a man, that he wasn't wearing any pants, and that he had raised his jacket to expose himself. Having never been flashed before, it took a few seconds to realize what I was looking at and the shock set in. I managed to collect myself and drove around him and called the police when I got home. But for that short period of time, I felt my equilibrium tilt, I felt temporarily powerless.

These days I'm a little better at responding to unwanted attention, but I've got a bigger worry.

My daughter.

Earlier today, I read this post from ohjennymae, in which she talks about inappropriate behavior aimed at her 9-year-old daughters. Her post was inspired, in part, by this post at Finslippy, which talks about how women are objectified, the things that we go through simply because we are female. The Finslippy posts has nearly 200 comments, mostly from women who have had similar experiences.

These two posts stirred up a lot of emotion in me. Anger, mostly, that I never stood up for myself, that I never insisted that I be treated with respect. That I didn't tell that superior at work that if he commented on my butt again I'd kick him in the God Damn balls. That I didn't tell the walker loitering behind me to get the hell away from me or I'd call the cops. That I just didn't.

The thing of it is, few of us DO do anything. I think that says a lot that otherwise assertive, confident women feel so vulnerable, so victimized, so objectified as to be unable to speak.

And that's not what I want for my daughter, nor do I want my son to grow into the type of man who makes a woman feel afraid.

I showed my husband the Finslippy post. He was horrified. Horrified that women are treated this way, horrified that it is so widespread, horrified that most of the commenters were unable to make it stop. Being a man, he's never chosen his clothing to minimize his body, he's never chosen a longer route to get somewhere specifically to avoid being ogled, he's never walked down the street staring at his feet to keep from making eye contact. He has never had someone use such tactics as a method of exerting power, of creating shame and fear and thus establishing superiority.

I don't want my daughter to feel like she has to hide what makes her female. I don't want her to think that she needs to put up with misogynistic or threatening behavior, or that she should welcome it, or be thankful for the attention. Or that she, or any other girl, is in any way deserving of such attention or less worthy of respect simply because she is a girl. I want her to have the power to say NO. You may not talk to me like that or about me like that or imply that about me. Keep your hands and your prying eyes and your opinions to yourself.

Attention like this is not flattering. It is not welcomed. We do not seek the approval of men. I am not unhappy with or ashamed of my body. In fact, I feel better about my body, more confident, than I have in a long time. But that is not what defines me. And I will no longer let anyone use it as a way to exert power over me. If you want to compliment me, tell me I'm a good worker, or that my garden looks great, or that something I wrote inspired you.

But leave my ass out of it.

Feeling Heart-y

It's only been a month since Christmas, but we're onto the next holiday. I guess the house looked sort of boring and empty once I hauled the tree out and put away all the Santas and mangers and stuff.

The kids are decorating and Maureen already made all her Valentines for her friends at school. She used glitter glue to decorate the hearts she cut out. I'm down with glitter glue. Actual glitter, not so much. Here she is, creating away.

We put up our window clings. You can see the remnants of the icky icy "snow" we got over the weekend. We put up the gel cling thingys on the front window too, but I couldn't get a decent photo of those.

And Johnny made this enormous heart for us, and in the process he got out every marker and piece of construction paper we own. I guess I should be thankful it doesn't say anything about butts.
And I also did some baking, which as you know is out of character for me. I usually only bake when it's someones birthday (cake and cupcakes) or when I have food getting ready to go bad in the kitchen (stale bread into croutons, brown bananas into banana bread, etc). And trust me, it should stay that way. Baking is not my forte.

But darn it, Food Network Magazine has such lovely photographs, sometimes I quite lose my head.

So on Monday I made Red Velvet Sandwich Cookies. And while not exactly a fail, it's another example of how I can follow a recipe and still not get what I intended.

The recipe did call for a stand mixer, which I don't have, so I used a hand mixer because I hate touching dough and didn't feel like getting out my bread machine and using the dough setting. So maybe that's why my cookies aren't bright red like the picture or why they don't have the crackly texture in the picture. They TASTE pretty good. But cutting frozen dough is difficult and I only got maybe half of what the recipe said I would get. They don't taste like red velvet to me. The filling is yummy and the cookies are yummy, but there is no strong red velvet flavor. Meh. Maybe I should leave the baking to the experts.

Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day super early. Just in case I don't make it back here in time.

Still Here...And Still Reading

Whoops. It's a new year and I never got around to doing a new year's post. Happy 2012 anyway.

This was partly because the H and I were both nursing rotten colds. I made Sour Beef and Dumplings for dinner, then we languished on the couch until midnight.

I do have a list of things I'd like to accomplish this year, but nothing that I'd label as a resolution. More goals, I guess. I want to work on more advanced yoga poses, run further and faster, get the house painted, find a good way to display all those family photographs languishing in a drawer. And I'd love to make it to Charleston to finally see the Hunley.

I suppose you could say that goals and resolutions are pretty much the same thing. According to one site I found when I googled what the difference was, resolutions are things that we feel we should change or maybe something we feel guilty about, like eating too much or exercising too little or saying curse words a little too often. Goals come with a specific plan. That's where I get hung up, because my resolutions in the past have almost always come with a plan. Anyway, what I'm getting at is that I don't have anything this year that is really pressing on me. I'd like to run a longer race, but that all depends on the health of my knees, so we'll see.

One thing I did a lot of last year was read, and I'd like to share some of my reads with you this year. (And if anyone knows how to view what books you have checked out of the Enoch Pratt library over the course of a year, please leave me a comment!)

So far, in January, here's what I've plowed through.

**Unbroken: A World War II Story Of Survival, Resilience and Redemption by Laura Hillenbrand--I loved Hillenbrand's first book, about the famous racehorse Seabiscuit, so when I spotted her latest publication at Target, I immediately requested it from the library. The story of Louie Zamperini, a former Olympic runner, who survived a plane crash into the Pacific Ocean, 47 days adrift at sea, and years as a POW in Japan, it's a deep read. At points, her descriptions of war and what the POW's endured was so disturbing, I had to put the book down and pick up something lighter. The parts involving sharks terrified me.
**Oogy by Larry Levin--Short and easy to read, but pleasing for this animal lover. Oogy is a dog that was used as a bait dog for fighting pitbulls, saved from certain death by the Levins. Amazing story.
**The Wave: In Pursuit of the Rogues, Freaks and Giants of the Ocean by Susan Casey--I've always been a little afraid of the ocean, yet find myself drawn to stories about it's mysteries. In this book, Casey tackles the subject of climate change and the science behind huge waves, but a large portion of the book is about big-wave surfers, who purposely go out into the ocean to surf waves in the 70-90 foot range.
**The Cat Who Came To Breakfast by Lillian Jackson Braun--Braun's books have been some of my favorites since middle school, when I first picked up an entry in her Cat Who...series. She died last summer at the age of 98, so I started at the beginning and read all the books I don't own. This was the last for me to read, as I own nearly all the books following this one. Light hearted and fun, and I'll certainly miss Koko and Yum Yum.

Have you read anything good lately, or any of the above books? Leave me a comment!

Differences

One of the many differences between my children:

Maureen, at school pick up: Mommy, would you like to hear about my day at school?
Me: Sure!
Maureen: Well, first you took me there.
Me: Yeah, I was there for that part.
Maureen: And then we walked up the steps.
Me: Again, I was there.
Maureen: And then I washed my hands and went to sit down. And then I ate a grape. And then I ate another grape. One of my friends had a banana. Another friend had apple slices. Someone else had carrots. But I had grapes. I ate all my grapes.

It goes on like this. She tells me what color the playdoh was and what color the paint was. She tells me not only what she did, but which friends she played with and pretty much every step she took.

Compared to this.

Me, at school pick up: Johnny, what did you do in school today?
Johnny: Um.....I don't really want to talk about it right now.

What happens in first grade stays in first grade.

Menu Plan: Next Christmas, Please Give Me Vegetables

In the Little House On The Prairie books, Laura Ingalls and her sisters always got an orange in their stockings at Christmas. Of course, this was way before paved roads and Interstate highways and enormous trucks, when it took time to get things across the country and citrus was a novelty. Not like the oranges I bought today that were just flown in from Florida.

I didn't get an orange in my stocking this year. I got nice things to be sure. A fun pair of socks, a necklace from Johnny, candy. But no orange.

Following the holiday gorge, what with all the cupcakes and candy and stuff clients brought to work, and all the baking (and sampling) I did at home and all the desserts at Christmas dinner, my body is crying out for vegetables. Simple, healthy food that doesn't have sugar in it. And next year I would like some carrots or something in my stocking.

So here's what we'll be eating:

**Brown Butter Tortellini with Spinach and Ham--That's what is in the picture. The recipe is from a nifty little cookbook I got with my Pampered Chef order last month. And I have to say the manual food processor did a bang up job finely chopping the peppers! Anyway, this recipe is really easy and everyone liked it. But one caution. When making brown butter sauce, pay attention! I walked away from my pan for 30 seconds (to show the hubby how nicely the food processor chopped the pepper) and burned the first batch. Luckily, I have lots of butter left over from all that baking.
**Sour Beef and Dumplings--This is a Baltimore favorite and this version is done in the crockpot. I usually don't care for dumplings, the combination of gravy on floury dumplings is a little too slimy and gross for me, but this version is really good. The keys to successful dumplings: the potatoes need to be fairly dry (I use a potato ricer and then refrigerate them uncovered for a couple of hours) and you should mix them just enough to combine the flour and no further because overmixed dumplings are heavy. This will be our New Year's Eve meal.
**Turkey Burgers--My burger monster 7 year old requested these and we have some rolls left over. I'll serve steamed veggies and maybe some kind of fry with them.
**Crispy Coconut Chicken--My latest batch of goodies from ShopRite included a bag of coconut, so I'll make this yummy and easy dish. It uses mango chutney, which is a little spicy, nicely balanced by the sweetness of the coconut. Peas to go with it.
**Linguine with Sundried Tomatoes--Our meatless meal. Easy peasy and a pleaser all around.

Don't forget to pop over to Potluck, where I have several new posts up!

What are you eating these days? Have you overindulged in holiday goodies?